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An archive of wisdom from previous bulletins
Thoughts & Quotes
Have a Chuckle
“I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me.”
" Heaven is full of answers to prayers for which no one ever bothered
How long should a good sermon
This is what God asks of you, only this:
I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction
that I had nowhere else to go
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.
It is the source of all true art and science
The Holy Rosary is the storehouse of countless blessings.
When I was young I was sure of everything; In a few years, having been
mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I
was before; At present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has
revealed to me.
The proof of love is in the works. Where love exists, it works great
things. But when it ceases to act, it ceases to exist.
At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity.
Few souls understand what God would accomplish in them if they were to
abandon themselves unreservedly to Him and if they were to allow His grace
to mould them accordingly.
“So far today, Lord, I’ve done alright. I haven’t gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty or selfish. But I’m just going to get out of bed, so from now on, Lord, I’ll probably need Your help. Amen.”
As a friend was in front of me coming out of Mass one day the priest said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Father." The priest said, " But why I don't "see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighbourhood. Every Friday, they eat fish, but he barbecues steaks. The Catholics convert him and the priest sprinkles holy water him saying, "Born a Jew -- Raised a Jew -- Now a Catholic." But the next Friday evening, the scent of a barbecue wafts through the neighbourhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They find him cooking a big juicy steak. He is sprinkling water on it and saying: "Born a cow -- Raised a cow -- Now a fish."
Jamie- God how long is a million years to you?
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest for advice. The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand. Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand." The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?”
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A man walked up to a Franciscan and a Jesuit and asked, "How many novenas must you say to get a Mercedes Benz?" The Franciscan asked, "What's a Mercedes Benz?" The Jesuit asked, "What's a novena?"
One Sunday the priest was telling the children about vestments and asked the question, "Why do you think I wear this collar?" One bright little lad called out straight away, "Because it kills fleas and ticks for up to 5 months."
There was an young priest, Father Flynn,
A nun named Louise with a lisp
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